Season Premiere (Part 2)
(8:00 A.M. - 9:00 A.M.)
Review/Commentary
Reviewer: J
Goodness, it feels like I just reviewed Hour One and here we are already ramping up into Hour Two. Oh, God, did I just say “ramping up”? I’ve been in corporate America too damn long.
Anyway, Hour Two begins with LAPD getting to Richard Heller’s shithole of a house and finding him in the fetal position behind his fridge. Hold on – is there an LAPD precinct on the next block? How the hell did SWAT team guys get there in one minute? I know I’m fussy, but this could have easily been done more realistically.
Meanwhile, Heller and Audrey are being transported in a maroon Ford van. I wonder if these guys got these at the used terrorism vehicles car dealer? Weren’t these similar to the vans used by Gaines and company in Season One? Regardless, they are transferred to another van in a garage of some kind. This one is a Ford E-250. The 250 is a bigger body than the 150. Why? I don’t know, maybe they’re picking up more government officials and need more room. Or maybe they need to move a king-size mattress. How the hell do I know?
Anyway, every time they drag Audrey somewhere she makes lots of moaning, grunting and whimpering noises. If this is what she’s like in bed, well, then I’m disappointed in Jack’s selection. Of course, maybe she’s that good.
Back at CTU, Driscoll detains Jack for “torturing a suspect and rendering him useless.” Well, I don’t know about that, Erin. If we point a gun at his other leg, I bet he’ll tell us anything we want to know. Go ahead, ask him if he watches American Idol. But wait – doesn’t CTU specialize in torturing information out of people? Do you need a special license or certificate to torture people? Ronnie intimated something about that in Hour One when they were talking about Sherak, saying to Driscoll “Maybe we should bring in Johnson.” Perhaps I’m just assuming too much. Maybe CTU has removed that from their “best practices” list and Ronnie just meant he would torture Sherak with his own Johnson. Get over yourself, Ronnie.
Soon thereafter we see President Keeler (can I call him “Wee Willie”? For those of you who aren’t baseball fanatics, that one will just sail over your head and I don’t have time to explain) calling CTU from his airplane to ask what the Heller is going on (I’ve been waiting to use that joke; I couldn’t resist any longer). We know he’s still in flight because they again show the outside of Air Force One. You know, in case we thought he was making phone calls from the plane while it sits on the tarmac.
Back to Andrew, who is fleeing MicroGoogle on his ten-speed. We see him call his mom who is busy folding his underwear. At like 8:10 in the morning. So by my crude calculations, she had that load into the washer at like, what, 6:15? Ambitious.
However, we know mom is a goner because she asks too many questions instead of just fleeing when she gets the important heads-up that people may be coming to kill her. This sort of reminded me of how I would expect this same conversation to go with my own mom.
Mom-killer Henchman somehow taps into Andrew’s cell phone and listens in as Jack and Chloe talk with Andrew. That’s pretty cool. I’m assuming Mom-killer was able to do this because Andrew had just talked to his mom. I have no idea if this is possible or not, but at least I can see the somewhat linear thought. Good job, writers. And like I said in my previous review, I like the fact that the baddies are this technologically advanced. Jack and Chloe don’t even consider the fact that somebody could be listening in like this. This scene was one of those classic, almost horror-move kinds of scenes, where the audience is going, “Ohhhh, no!” Andrew tells Jack where he’ll wait for him and exactly what he’s wearing and Jack tells him when he’ll be there. Jack should have told him to stay low and don’t attract attention and that he’d call his cell phone when he got to the station, but I guess, like I said, that they weren’t thinking someone might be listening. I realize hindsight is 20/20 but I’m also not a federal agent and I thought of this solution fairly quickly.
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